Russian Roulette.

I lay in bed pretending to sleep.

For days.

I don’t eat, I drink only wine.

My head hurts.

I feel sick, weak.

I’ve become useless.

I spin the barrel, round one.

I am still alive.

I keep up appearances.fff

I go to work as scheduled.

I keep talking.

I smile but it doesn’t reach my eyes.

I still don’t eat, except to keep under the radar.

I get high in the bathroom.

I spin the barrel, round two.

Click.

I am still alive.

Or rather… I’m still breathing.

anxiety is kicking in.

I’ve been crying for hours,

but I’ve been loling in my texts.

No one knows the pain I harbor in my heart.

The barrel spins, round three…

There are three more rounds.

Which one will end my misery?

My thoughts scare me.

I send out an SOS..

No one responds.

I Leave a note.

Dark poetry.

I send you a song.

The whirring of the barrel is actually rather comforting now.

click.

It stops. But the world hasnt.

4 rounds down.

Tonight there is a 50/50 chance, my life will end.

I drown my last bottle,

with a bottle of opiates.

It gives me time…

I send out my last call,

my last LOL.

The last selfie with a fake smile.

I tell you, I love you, and that I mean it.

You haven’t responded, and my time is ended.

One last time, I pull the trigger.

The word goes dark,

I feel another’s warmth surround me,

a searing on my cheek,

and lava shooting through my veins.

 

Russian roulette.

 

~If you or someone you know suffers from suicidal thoughts, call the suicide hotline. 1-800-273-8255, it’s becoming a pandemic, I hear of at least one different suicide or attempt every day. Please save a life, save yourself. and, don’t brush off someone’s cry for help.♥Sin

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